II-1. Coming to 1991, I suddenly became depressed deeply. It was different from the periodicity by each month. When I usually had become high, I was depressed. And I HEARD some crazy man’s voice shouting on my head. As saying, ” Fuck you, all. What’s damned at all ! Bustard ! ” — like that. His mad face was also seen faintly. I became creepy to SEE it. I wondered I suffered the mental disorder but something was strange.
My father telephoned me to take care of me. This phone call was something strange. — Why could he know my mental condition ? But I only answered to him, ” Actually I have come something mad. But it’s okay because I applied a publisher’s examination.” My father accepted it and cut off the phone.
— I decided to call the above crazy man as ‘ Zawa.’ THEY told his true name to me the after ( in 1994 ), but I would call so. The reason why I called him as ‘ Zawa’ was that I HEARD Buredoo was saying after ( in 1994 ), ” Why are they called -zawa ? ” — She seemed to dislike -zawa added people. I only knew two men who called ‘ -zawa.’ This man and TV professor who would see after in this year.
Anyway, THEY said he was seemed a man repeatedly in and out of psychiatric hospital. I saw him with my eyes the after ( in 1997 ), he looked obsessed with something. But he could act by following to the rules of our society. He looked the psychosomatic disorder. It might be my face when I was on the early 1991.
When I was walking with a supposed this strange face, I saw a famous TV scenario scripter ( female ) in front of ALTA in Shinjuku. She said, ” I cannot find it.”
There seemed a lot of VOICE on her around. Some of them reached to me. I was likely supposed to misunderstand the mental disorder by somebody. The reason why I was said so was uncertain. I just tried to become a fantasy novelist. It would supposed to tell what company had monitored me. I had to become a writer as soon as possible.
But I realized soon to fail the examination for the resources of A STORY ( NETA ). They would destroy the life too boring to see. Because they always needed new one to get A STORY. The worthless life to see was only waited for dying. They even had a special task force to execute it.
The monitorer and executer were called by them as ‘ The Organization.’ They were the axis of evil in Japan who were controlled by some powerful persons ( it was not only included within Japanese Media ). The Organization could use quite unscientific matters.
II-2. Something mad was gone on me. I was afraid for failing the examination of mail game company but the company sent a message to describe my game plot. My bad hunch was proved unfounded. To throw my TV game out, I worked harder. My mental disorder was gradually disappeared.
In early March 1991, while I had waited for the response from the game company, I heard strange voice in front of my room. The voice was not woman but some old man. It was supposed a man who took a quarrel with her. He said, ” He will become a writer soon ! “
— Few days after, when I got out of my house, a strange old man was standing in front of my house with a girl. HE said to a girl, ” Is he ? ” — The girl answered nothing.
— I was seemed to suspect for a molester ( Chikan ). It was false but I was surprised at this old man was a famous professor who could be seen on TV. I’ve never seen for that the professor would investigate for the crime. In Tokyo, psychiatrist was not only mad but professor was also mad. This was realized for me that some people in Tokyo could work beyond their occupations. It was the time when people must work all-mighty and Japanese Media broadcast the specialty for amateurs to understand easy. The specialty was gradually neglected for amateurs.
This professor was the oriental foot therapist, but he did not feel ashamed of this exterritorial action. I could hear his voice to throw the word to the around of people loudly.
He said, ” That’s okay for such a stupid guy to do so. It’s wrong of him.”
— I could realize it who had monitored me at this time. There was no evidence but this TV professor appeared only one TV program. But it looked danger to tell the truth. It was supposed to end only my wild fancy. The saying of my father was also something strange. To tell the truth, my father was a famous archaeologist to find Yamatai Country ( 邪馬台国 ). He had some relationship with local TV. I did not know how strong was this network however, it was supposed to be important for getting hard-to-move evidence. Otherwise, my life was supposed to end in vain.
I had already known such a life. My uncle’s was so. He had been suicided by the reason of communist. His wife could not explain it fully and my father ( his elder brother ) told a lie of that he was a terrorist. He was only a sectarianist not to be against government. I heard that he said, ” I will look back on America to make nuclear bomb.” — He could understand Japan was defeated by America and drove into suicide. It could not be blamed for him because all Japanese had believed in the ideal of United Nations. But for they could not realize that the international treaty was only the complex of bilateral treatment, his subordinates fought with Japanese government severely. My uncle suffered the bad effect by this struggle. My father had to declare no concern with politics the after. To say so, my father could suppose to become a famous archaeologist. But he had some network…
The mean point was that no one could be trusted on me. My Lone battle would be started. But there was no way except for keeping in silence at that time. Japan was not a country of democracy. It was some kind of frame to deceive people. Japan was good at pretending for democratic.
II-3. As I saw a strange TV professor, but I could get a writing job. The game company requested it the more details of my game plot. I wrote it down hard.
In latest May 1991, While I continued writing, something strange was happened on me again.
When I came back to my house, then a handsome man came to start kissing with a beautiful woman in front of me. It was not once or twice, but almost everyday. It continued for about a month. —- I could not claim for them, because it was not a crime. But I must enter my house with that I made a way around of them. They were not people in my house. Tokyo was the strangest city which I had ever seen.
— I decided to call him as ‘ Nakatra.’ THEY taught me a true name, but for I could not have any confidence about it, so I called him as Nakatra. THEY showed me an image that he was reciting some kind of buddhist sutra in 1995.
I could HEARD his TALK about it after ( in 1994 ). He excused, ” I will try to make a girlfriend for him.” — Actually I was alone at that time, but it was supposed the better to make a friend rather than a girlfriend.
They were strange what they wanted to do. People who lived in non-democratic world would think quite an unreasonable thing.
I could HEAR the reason the after ( in 1993 ). Somebodies thought it bad for interrupting my life of writer. But they seemed to think it that they gave me a girlfriend. The reason to do it was unsound.
— My original life was seemed to make a girlfriend at this time. They moved to do it only hearing this voice, ” He had a girlfriend truly ! “ — Somebody reported that I had a girlfriend at this time ( that’s right a little ), however, after a while, it would be changed the nuance to that my original life had a girlfriend exactly. They believed in something ANOTHER.
But in this time, they only thought I should have a girlfriend. The reason was uncertain. And the effect was the above kissing man. It might be The Time Paradox.
And after this summer, I often could see that boys and girls hugged each other in a narrow phone box. It was strange in a hot season but it was just their newest fashion. It was not ANOTHER. Some of them explained it, ” It is bad way to do it, isn’t it ? “ — It was a story that was troubled to reply.
Anyway, I decided to call the above men as ‘ The HJ.’ It meant ‘ Hitler Youth ( Hitlerjugend ).’ They loved Nazi materials and made it in the name of speech freedom. They excused to make it, ” He is mad so that he is interested in Nazis.” — When we went to Japanese toy shops, we could see a lot of Nazi materials in there. They said many Japanese youngsters were mad. Tell the more, all the real Hitler Youth were not mad. They were only deceived. They could not only know the truth. There were bad adults to sell the wrong ones.
They seemed to fight with Japanese Media. The socialists would be against them. They insisted to them, ” He’s Nazi.”
— I realized the reason at that time ( in 1993 ). I experienced a strange event in my high school age ( in 1988 ). It was when I dreamed to go to Tokyo to become a writer. I was a contributor of fantasy magazines.
I drew a picture of Nazi tank and sent it to fantasy & SF magazine. It was just only a joke, however, I was blackmailed by a letter with cutter blade. It was sent by a man who introduced himself as Nazi cartoonist. Then Asahi Newspaper telephoned me to cover it and published in January 1989. This access was almost the personality attack to me so that I must have fought with Asahi for 30 minutes and more. He accused me why I was interested in Nazis. — It was just a joke and I did not agree with Nazi thought, that I insisted. But he bashed me in the name of justice. I realized it that Japan had two faces and it was not certain whether published items was not right. It was that freedom of speech. Japanese adults could sell the evil things in the name of it.
Asahi Newspaper was supposed to play a role to against of it, but they did not bash it formally. Because Nazi materials were sold well. In Japan, the economics was the mightier than the conscience. Young guys like me must have caught the wrong one. This situation was continued on even now…
The A had a senario of the Warsaw uprising. The criminals ( but SS soldiers ) assaulted on the militia.
The B used the word of ‘ Getto.’ No care about the European history.
The C used the name of ‘ Guderian.’ He was famous for the suspicion to order the destructions for the scorched earth strategy.
— The less knowledge about other countries in Japan was quite terrible. It was often seen in Nazi matters. It was not good for describing comical. It was supposed for the effect of our historical education was damned to kinds of semiotics. Japanese young adults used it with the less considerations. It occurred on major companies in Japan. It was supposed the typical example for the economics was the mightier than the conscience.
By the way, Japanese police never came to investigate me. I did not know why Asahi Newspaper could know this blackmail. The publisher did not even seem to know it ( They said it only sent to police ). This story might have had another catch.
This blackmailer was arrested in 1993. But even in this time, Japanese police never tell me the truth. This determination was made another struggle the after. Japanese Media must have kept in justice at any costs. This made the television centrism the stronger. I watched it with my eyes in 1995 to 1996. Japanese media could move politicians to me.
Anyway, The mean point of this story was that no one could explain the truth completely. I could HEAR it from Japanese journalism of TV ( 1994 ). They said by TALK, ” There is some thin causality to do so.” — It was considered a reliable source because their fellows had investigated it. But they seemed to use it only for getting scoops. There was some secret conversation among them.
All persons who concerned with this story always said, ” I heard it.” — They did not confirm it by own eyes. It was considered by that they lived in the world of TALK deeply. They all showed some unfounded confidence about it.
It was the effect of that amateurs had pretended for police.
II-4. In Summer 1991, I had a severe pain in my toe. To see my toe, a pull tab pierced on my middle toe. It made bled hardly and the scratch was remained for life. I merely did not drink juice for can, it was strange why it was there.
— I could HEARD this behind-the-scene after. A guy set it in my room for revenge. Before this, he said in the air, ” He is fool. It’s easy to steal his money.” — I hid my money under the mattress on my bed. Then he had stolen my money and he was scolded by somebody. He decided to revenge for it, but somehow, he was hard on me. He was a psychopath to prefer bullying weak people.
I decided to call him as ‘ Shii-chan.’ Because The Yuu called him so. THEY called him as ‘ Del ‘ in 1995. According to THEM, he was people of G-Country ( 2021 ).
— I could find several supposed Alien’s planets for now, which were named by numerical numbers or alphabetical orders. This case was by alphabetical orders. I found them from A to I planets ( intelligent lives ), but for strange enough, they were all dealt with ‘ country.’ They were not A-planet or G-planet or like that. THEY explained it for some reasons were there. It was that all intelligent lives would have come together to one in the future and become one country. The Aliens dealt them with one country. — But it was just a declaration officially, it had another mean. It had the possibility of that THEY had implanted own cultures to The Earth. In this case, it meant that ‘ One Alien, One Country.’ — It was as like one of Nazi propaganda. To think so, there could be HEARD lots of excuses from THEM. It was very complicated matters so that I did not want to argue it on this sentences. We should just have understood for only one thing, which was G-Country ( 2nd Species ) had won the war.
— Anyway, I could not realize it at all, I had to faced on THEM.
In Autumn 1991, I was caught by the solicitation of Christian new religion. Their evangelist spoke English and his interpreter told his words. The evangelist had a man with beard ( I called him ‘ Haat ‘ after ). The conversation was almost the street argument than the religious solicitation. They said America was bad for Gulf War ( 1990 ). I only objected it for there was a rule that we had to follow. But they did not agree this opinion.
Then they showed a paper and tried to persuade me. The paper was written that —
- Do you believe The God ?
- Do you believe the next life ?
- ・
- ・
- Do you believe the history repeats itself ?
— It was a strange order. ‘ History repeats itself.’ — That was the phrase by Curtius Rufus. Maybe Karl Marx used it. I heard it from my high school teacher. But it was strange for using on the religion. I argued with them to know the reason but they only said America was the evil superpower.
A lot of minutes passed, above kissing woman suddenly appeared and said, ” Are you in charge of him, aren’t you ? ( あなた、担当でしょ？：Anata-Tantou-desho ? ) ” Then Nakatra appeared and threw the words, ” This fool would be hunt by new religion.”
And they were only passing through in front of me.
— There was no problem only to listen their words. To know what they said would lead to make our society good. I had accepted any arguments to make our society good. They might have lost the right way of the truth by the less arguing ( And they reached to the wrong conclusion the after ).
Anyway, I had gotten the truth by this argument, which was that I was monitored by them.
To tell the truth, my mother’s grandfather the national police and I knew a little what was the monitoring society. I saw the network of militarists with my eyes once. They did not have this network. Suddenly they appeared then vanished. They did not leave comments about any militarists, or not showed its network or the messenger’s final rank. They only showed something Nazi-like. Obviously it was strange from Japanese.
Anyway, I also could understand the word of Tantou ( 担当：a person in charge ). THEY were laughing to say it as ‘ M担 ( M-tan：person in charge of MichiroJohn ).’ — The original mean of M-tan was ‘ person in charge of MMF actually. A bulling nation was about to face on me.
II-5. In December 1991, I quit my writing job because it was too cheap fee to continue writing. I could not have the guts to write. My publisher suspected that I was a molester ( probably somebody told a lie ), it was hard to do anything.
To tell the more, the photo putting on my resume was changed by somebody, it showed my skin around of my eyes were blackened. It looked like a drug patient. But it was unnatural because my eyes looked like panda. Somebody must have sprayed it on my photo. It was supposed one of bullying.
After I quit my writing job, something strange to be happened on me. Suddenly a woman revealed in my mind —
” He could not hear my voice,” she said.
” — Yes, O.K.”
Suddenly she had revealed on my mind clearly.
And said, ” You’re failed.”
Certainly, I quit my job but it was not the end of my life. But she regarded it the symbol that I had failed whole my life. She willingly said, ” We’ve got it.” — She showed a strange semiotics.
She appeared in my mind almost every day. She showed her slim tall body, and spoke Japanese frequently. There was no different accent from Japanese. Actually she looked like Japanese at first glance. But she was willing to being called the Goddess of Athena or Lady Justice by her henchmen. She was supposed different from Japanese. But for she introduced herself ‘ Youko ‘ after ( in 1994 ), she might be Japanese. It looked something out of fashion.
She did not tell me who she was and where came from. She had just said to me, ” You’re a great man.” But soon she changed her words, ” You were a great man.” And laughing. Somehow she was excited one-sidedly then said, ” You are the past great man.”
There were some fellows or henchmen at the beside of her, they were laughing to see it. It looked like she performed to audiences.
I could not understand what she was saying. When I wondered it, then she said, ” I did it for easy to understand.” And laughing. — I could not understand the more.
Anyway, I decided to call her as Tambar-2. I saw Tambar-1 after in 1993 and I found that she fought with Tambar-2 on character battle. She resembled with Tambar-2, she had a danger that her character was swallowed to her. Because Tambar-1 was often seen as the figure with tambourine, I named her so ( her original name was unknown ). Tambar-2 was not her ancestor or descendent but an agent from G-Country. The original of Tambar-2 was supposed a virtual lady who did not existed in the real world. She preferred to pretend for The Goddess. Because the original of original was an agent from Rei people. They continued showing her image. G-Country made it on the real to see it.